How Swede It Is

Whereas the devastation and human suffering is rampant in Myanmar and it is a sad situation, I have to ask:

Why is the US busting a gut to get aid to that place when they are refusing to let the planes land? 

Is is just me, or would the billions in aid be better spent HERE on the people who are suffering AND who pay taxes to make the aid possible?

Am I out of range here?  Any thoughts? 

(I posted this back in July 2007.  Since it will be warmer soon and all my fellow Swedes-at-Heart will be cranking up the AC, I was compelled to re-post this.  Flatch hopes it is helpful.)

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I know some of you (based on my previous posts) may think I'm full of brown runny, but this is serious stuff that can save you money.

Check your HVAC system now!  If you have installed a Purafilter 2000, hyped to be the best filter on the planet, get it out!  I installed one on Sat and by Monday my AC had shut down due to the airflow restriction - the filter works TOO well!!

So, don't let it happen to you.  Use the cheaper filters you can get in a 4 pack at Wal-Mart for 3 bucks.   They don't filter as well and you have to replace them more often, but at least it keeps the AC techs away.

He took time out from his nap to file this report:

Riddle me this, fellow babies:

A young serviceman goes into a diner.  He tells the waitress the following:

"I want my breakfast on a square platter.  In the upper right corner, I want 2 fried eggs.  In the upper left, I want grits.  In the lower right corner, I want a piece of wheat toast.  In the lower left, I want one well done sausage patty."

How did the waitress know he was in the Navy?

250 million Viking Points to the 1st correct answer.  In the case of a tie, we flip a Norwegian. 

He's glad he's not a betting kitteh.

Today, someone I know had a difficult day trying to train a seemingly anencephalic woman to work on the teller line; therefore,  I was compelled to post something I wrote when I was led to believe I could be a columnist.

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Some time ago, we subscribed to the NHL package offered by a major satellite TV provider.  Before the start of one hockey season, I received a “we-know-you’d-love-to-buy-this-too” call from that provider - they wanted me to subscribe to their Sports Pack so that we’d get all kinds of sports from around the planet - Inuit amateur curling, full-contact backgammon from Belize, etc.  Below I have paraphrased the “fun” part of the conversation:

OK, I’ve never worked at ESPN, and the closest I got to any sport was lugging equipment for my high school ice hockey team and trying to find a calculator big enough to record our losses.  Notwithstanding that, long before I could dial a phone, I knew that “center ice” is a term applicable almost exclusively to ice hockey.  So, after I hung up after the above phone folly, I wondered:  Does anyone think anymore?

Let’s reason on this:  These days, many don’t have to think.  Their PCs, a BlackBerry, the Internet and their HDTVs think for them.  When I worked in fast food, we took orders on an paper order pad.  Now, a majority of the counter folks have electronic devices to log the order, add it all up and figure the change to give the customer.  Even with all this technology, how often do you open up your order at home, only to find that all you have is a “Tina’s Tame Tofu” sandwich instead of the “Viper’s Vein-Clogger Venison” burger you really ordered? 

It appears to me that the entertainment industry has stopped thinking also.  Old movies being re-worked and re-cast.  Old songs re-done.  The same reality shows with different titles, if even they bother to do that.  Don’t get me started on game shows - on that one network exclusively “for games”, every other show is about poker, blackjack or Celebrity Lingerie Twister from Vegas.  The classic black and white shows I long to see, crafted in vintage imagination, are relegated to the wee hours of each morning, if scheduled at all. 

Some astute readers (and you don't know who you are yet) have asked about the Viking points I offer once in a while.  Since I've finished my coffee and my 2 bags of caramel creams (part of a wacko breakfast), I'll tell yas.

Viking points are merely a tool by which I can give you, the reader, instant "feel-good-about-thyself" gratification by passing a simple test.  Otherwise, they mean nothing, like porta-potties at Mardi Gras. 

I hope this was helpful.  If not, you don't know where to find me...mwuahahaha....

Even lolcats have something to say about the former chief of the Empire State:

NEW YORK  --  Gov. Eliot Spitzer, the crusading politician who built his career on rooting out corruption, apologized Monday after allegations surfaced that he paid thousands of dollars for a high-end call girl. He did not elaborate on the scandal, which drew calls for his resignation.

His stone-faced wife at his side, Spitzer told reporters at a hastily called news conference: "I have acted in a way that violates my obligations to my family."
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Hello!?  Why didn't he just say he thought the 'woman of easy virtue' had WMD?  Had he done that, he'd have been invited to the White House for beer and darts with Dick and Condi in the William Howard Taft game room.

FortheloveofGod, am I the only one who can think on his feet anymore?

By TRAVIS REED - Associated Press Writer

ORLANDO, Fla.(AP) PGA Tour golfer Tripp Isenhour was charged with killing a hawk on purpose with a golf shot because it was making noise as he videotaped a TV show. Isenhour was with a film crew for "Shoot Like A Pro" on Dec. 12 at the Grand Cypress Golf course. The 39-year-old golfer, whose real name is John Henry Isenhour III, was charged Wednesday with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird.

The charges carry a maximum penalty of 14 months in jail and $1,500 in fines.

According to court documents, Isenhour got upset when a red-shouldered hawk began making noise, forcing another take. He began hitting balls at the bird, then 300 yards away, but gave up.

Isenhour started again when the hawk moved within about 75 yards, Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer Brian Baine indicated in a report.

Isenhour allegedly said "I'll get him now," and aimed for the hawk.

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What, were there no pit bulls to abuse?

Anybody else hope they nail this yutz to the proverbial cross?

For 10 points, complete the following: D U _ B A S S

As you are probably aware, freelance pharmacist Amy Winehouse won 287 Grammys the other night, including Most Needle Tracks for a Female Artist.

Flatch is curious - if she can clean up like that when her blood is legally D-Con, is there hope for a shlep like me who has an occasional Jack & Coke?

O share thine thoughts; I need the hope...

Little Beau's daddy sent him to the Home Depot to get some 4 x 2s.  Little Beau told the man at the Home Depot about this and the man say "How long your daddy need them 4 x 2s eh?"

Little Beau ran home and then he come back and he say, "My Daddy he building a house so he need them for a long time."

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Based on a tale by Justin Wilson. 

NEW YORK - Barbara Walters says she has been contacted by Britney Spears' manager and "very good friend," Sam Lutfi, who says the pop singer has seen a psychiatrist.

Lutfi told her the 26-year-old pop singer "is suffering from what he describes as mental issues which are treatable," Walters said Monday on ABC's "The View."

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I agree they are treatable.  Might I recommend amputation just below the chin?

Anyone with me here?

HONOLULU  --  Golf Channel suspended anchor Kelly Tilghman for two weeks on Wednesday for saying last week that young players who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should "lynch him in a back alley."

Tilghman was laughing during the exchange Friday with analyst Nick Faldo at the Mercedes-Benz Championship, and Woods' agent at IMG said he didn't think there was any ill intent.

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Flatch is sorry, but he just HAD to spew all over this. 

Item 1 - I hate golf, but I know that Tiger Woods is God Incarnate to those that like the sport.  She would have been better off slandering the Pope, Jesus and Brad Pitt instead. 

Item 2 - Does a broadcasting job strip you of common sense and decency?  I don't know this TV fluff Tilghman, but does she feel she is pretty enought to get a job anywhere?

I know, I know - my being spurned by the broadcasting industry is coloring these words, but I was taught in broadcasting school (stop rolling your eyes!) that someone is always listening and there is always someone to get your job if you scrog up. 

Did she not learn from Tex Antoine, Imus and Steve Lyons?  Or was she born too late?

All I can do is let out a great big heaving Sheesh. 

Hoping this finds you...Flatch

P.S.  10 extra Viking points if you remember Tex Antoine. 

Again I regret that I did not attend the latest soiree for Blog-lings.  The doctor said I am very close to rejoining the general population but I still need to get it in my head that the Danes are people too. 

I know what I feel and when I feel it make no never-mind to most, but here are some suggestions that may prompt me to come to future events of such ilk:

1)  Sela Ward as hostess.

2)  Free adult beverages to all Swedish-Americans.

3)  Co-ed lingerie Twister with certain Fox8 on-air personalities.  The names of these ladies are in a sealed envelope buried in a tub of Dream Whip in my crisper drawer.

A kroner for your thoughts????