bigbadbob's Blog

Looks like New York Mayor, Mike Bloomberg is planning to seek a third term as Mayor!

I guess our financial situation is a lot worse than we thought, when one of the wealthiest men in the world, wants to hold on to his job!!

With the world in the middle of a financial fiasco, software billionaire, Charles Simonyi is planning a second trip into outer space to the International Space Station in 2009, again in a Russian rocket with another Russian crew. 

Sort’a makes you wonder if he Knows something that we don’t. An interspace version of “HOUSE HUNTERS?” 

Sharon Stone has lost custody of her son to her ex-husband. It seems that she over reacts to many medical issues. She believed that he had a spinal condition, that turned out to be constipation, and wanted her son to have Botox injections for a foot odor problem. Kinda Weird, huh? 

Here’s some advice from BBB…A Bran muffin once in a while for the first problem.  Dr Scholls foot soap and odor eaters for the feet. Somehow I don’t think getting any medical advice from her is wise, it appears that she has bad “BASIC INSTINTS!” 

With the Vice Presidential debate on Oct. 2, between Beiden and Palin.. I’m a little nervous… 

With all those pictures of Sarah Palin holding automatic weapons, a word to Beiden, I hope that he doesn’t stand on any floor pad behind his  podium that has the words "SPRING” written on it! 

I hope the Bail Out works, if not our entire country could be contestants on next seasons…

”SURVIVOR!”

I'm passing this information from a fellow blogger on MyFox DFW. Dallas Fort Worth. She's a regular commenter on my blogs. She's part of the MyFox  blogging family. Her 84 old parents lost half of their home to Hurricane Ike. she herself is recovering from a major head injury and has been helping her parents on her own. She's a terrific person and can use our help. Please read her request. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I think that MyFox bloggers are the greatest bloggers in the world. Let's help one of our own.

Thanks!    BBB1

Need Help re Books Sep 28, 2008 | 10:13 AM
Category: Entertainment
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I need to buy a large quantity of books.  Just from one author, Jack Higgins.  These can be used books.

My parents home was heavily damaged by Ike.  In fact, the insurance people were there yesterday and they are kicking them out because they found black mold everywhere.  They are having trouble finding a hotel but think they found one 60 miles away.

My Dad's bedroom had the roof blown away and everything in that room was ruined.  He goes to sleep every night reading.  All his favorite books, all by Jack Higgins was on his bed.

I would like to buy a large quantity of Jack Higgins books and thought I would ask my fellow bloggers the best way to do this.  Most books he gets are used so that would not be a problem.  He says there are around 50 from him.  Of course I don't want to buy that many but would like to get a large quantity to replace some of his.

I know there is half priced books but I don't buy many books and thought there may be something else out there.

If any of you have any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it.

BIGGER "PROUDER" Bob

P.S. THANKS LUKE!!

Nichole Kidman said that she thinks swimming in the waters of a small outback town during the filming of her latest movie “Australia” is what caused her to get pregnant with her daughter…

No,  read the manual Nichole…making love is what caused you to get pregnant!

According to The NY Post, Tim Donahy, the dirty rouge NBA official,  will be changing from referee stripes to prison stripes for pocketing up to thirty thousand dollars a year for supplying illegal gambling scheme game tips.

Tim, I got  a tip for ya.  In prison, you should keep your back to the wall to guard against “FOULS”….if ya get my drift!

Bravo is bringing PRIME TIME POLO to TV. Why?

What’s next? Giveaways like “MALLOT DAY”….“BOBBLE HEAD HORSES?”

According to Page Six, Hugh Hefner’s female empire is finally dwindling. Some of Hef’s Harem, have been spotted with pro athletes and other young studs!

So all that means to me is that this 82 year old, man who has his own idea of working out, is gonna have to break in some new Bunnies!

   A few years ago I received an invitation to attend a combination Neighborhood/High School reunion.  At first I didn't want to go, but my wife Susan, thought it would be a great way for her to put faces with the names that came up, when I told her stories from my past.  She said she'd give anything if she could attend her own reunion.  She attended Van Nuys High School in California.  I told her "that's like a three thousand mile schlepp, for one night of memories.  Plus if you Want to know what they look like, all you have to do is go to a movie, or turn on the TV, most of them  are acting in movies, on TV or doing commercials!"  

   So reluctantly I agree and we go.  As we enter the VFW hall, we walk into a sea of comb-overs, dentures and face lifts! At the door I'm greeted by an older gentleman who resembles my friend Freddy.  He extends his hand and says "Hello, and thanks for coming." I shake his hand and say "Hi I'm Bob. I'm  friend of your younger brother Freddy!"  He says "I AM FREDDY!"     There's an embarassing pause, then a smile comes to his face..."Always the kidder, hey Bobby?"  Then he brings me over to meet his wife Gloria?  He always hated Gloria.  Everyone always hated Gloria.  If you were to look up the words obnoxious, snotty, catty, self-centered, ego maniacal, self absorbed, part of the definitions would include a photograph of Gloria!  True to form, she had enough plastic surgery to fill a recycling dumpster. Her widows peek was now on the top of her head and she walked around with her face in a constant state of surprise! 

   I didn't recognize the school bully, Carlo.  He went from being Mr. Football, Mr. Baseball, Mr. Tough Guy, to being Mr.  FATSO! He was so big, he had Richter scale sensors sewn into his shorts.  If he ever had an out-or-body experience, he'd fall on himself.  In fact if he did fall, they'd have to call "Triple A" to stand him upright!  He must've eaten all of those lunches he stole from us all by himself!

    It's Saturday morning, about a week later, and we're discussing over breakfast, that all in all it was good to see how everyone turned out and that most of them were happy.  My wife is telling me how I was the youngest looking one there, when the door bell rings.  I say, "honey, could you please get that?" She says, "I don't believe this, I'm not wearing any makeup, I'm wearing a tank-top and cut-offs, and I have my hair in a pony tail."  I said, "please honey, my leg fell asleep and my feet hurt."  She gets up and says "Oh alright."  She opens the door and standing there is our Italian gardener.  He says "Hello little girl, is-a you Papa home??!"

            There was a time when the sound of wolves howling and coyotes baying would conjure up images of western movies.  Your mind would paint a picture of cowboys sitting around a campfire during a roundup, or sleeping in their bedrolls with their saddles as their pillows.  You know one of those "MACHO-MEMORY-MOMENTS!"  Or the screaming, whining, screeching of cats at night, doing what ever it is that cats do to make those blood curdling noises along with the distant sound of a train whistle that are reminders of those past memories of the summers I spent at Grandma's house.  I no longer find these sounds pleasing to the ear.  Why not, you ask?  Oh I don't know, maybe it's because those are just some of the sounds being supplied by those annoying, obnoxious, grinding "CAR ALARMS!!"

            At first they seemed like a viable, effective way to deter crime.  Someone would attempt to break into a car, a siren alarm or a honking horn would go off and the perpetrator (The Poip, as they say in New York) would be scared off, that's it, end of story. But the manufacturers weren't satisfied, so they set out to build a better mouse trap.  The new ones are so STATE-OF-THE-ART, sound and touch sensitive, that a puppy sneezing a mile away or a gnat landing on the hood can set it off.  This usually can result in a domino effect causing other car-alarms to join in the chorus of MIND-ALTERING sounds!  My biggest nightmare would be if a car alarm went off in Tampa, it would trigger a chain reaction that wouldn't stop until it reached Seattle.  Sorta like a "HORNS ACROSS AMERICA!"

            My least favorite alarm system is the one that offers a potpourri of a dozen different sounds simultaneously.  With the hooting, and the whirring and the beeping and the bopping and the honking and on and on.  These sounds have such a nerve racking effect on me that I could whip a bowl of egg whites into a meringue with just my pinky!

            The sad thing is that none of these alarms are effective anymore.  Name one person you can think of who calls 911 when they hear an alarm.  You can't, right?  If anything car alarms have created more crime.  Now we even have people who aren't thieves breaking into cars, just so they can shut off those stupid alarms!  

            A few years back, a musician colleague who fancied himself an electronics genius, decided that he would BURGLAR-PROOF his car by wiring the door handles of his Mustang so that anyone trying to enter his "ride" would be met by a few jolts of electricity.   Nothing fatal, just enough to knock someone on their keester.  So he did.  The problem was that he forgot to inform his wife, so when she came through the door all disheveled, with her hair smoking and looking like a combination of Kramer and Carrot Top, she wasn't laughing.  This normally beautiful woman looked like a CRASH DUMMY in a static-cling commercial!

            So what's the solution?  I personally feel that it should be mandatory that every vehicle should be equipped with infra-red indelible dye and a homing device.  This way when a vehicle is stolen, instead of high-speed chases, they could be recovered electronically and the thief could be identified with a black-light.  If the recovered vehicle is damaged or stripped, the perp, upon his conviction, should take over the payments on the car, and be harassed by the bank for the rest of his life for missed payments!

            If the car is returned unharmed, the judge should build into their sentence, milage and rental fees, and they should still be harassed by the bank.  Besides jail time, they should also be locked in a special wing of the prison, where a medley of alarms would be played over the PA system, interspersed with elevator music.

                              THAT'LL LEARN 'EM!!

   I thought that United Airlines Flight 93 deserved a separate space, but was just as much a part of the tragedy of 911. Little did the brave passengers and crew realize that when they took off from Newark International Airport headed for San Francisco that their flight would be hijacked by four Islamic terrorists. They breeched the cockpit, overpowered the pilots and took control of the plane. Several passengers and crew members made telephone calls learning about the attacks on The World Trade Center and The Pentagon. As a result, the passengers decided mount an assault against the hijackers and take back the plane.  

   The plane crashed in a field outside of Shanksville PA, killing all 44 people on board including the hijackers. It is believed by doing this they prevented the aircraft from hitting their target, either The Whitehouse or The US Capitol. If they hadn’t sacrificed their lives, who know just how much worse it could have been?!?! 

              To those Slimy, cowardly, Devils Disciples ,

                          YOU WILL   PAY!!

                  To those BRAVE people on Flight 93….

                          THANK YOU AND..

                      “GOD BLESS AMERICA!”

For several years I’ve been noticing a total lack of discipline in young children.  It seems that parents are allowing rude behavior in their offspring and not teaching them to respect the rights of others.  What ever happened to don’t touch that, or don’t do that, or give that back, it isn’t yours??  You know, civilized guide lines, laws if you will…teaching children right from wrong??  It’s the first step toward obeying certain laws.  People teach their pets not to do bad things, and if they do they’re punished until they correct their behavior.  When house breaking a dog or cat, if they break the rules they’re punished….when they get it right they’re rewarded.  They have to be trained, correct?  Well, so do children.  We as parents are their first teachers.  It’s up to us to show them the difference between right and wrong.  We ARE NOT their friends; we are their PARENTS…their authorities.  If they grow up exhibiting bad behavior, 99% of the time, you better believe it’s OUR fault!!!

BUT...You DON’T hit them, you DON’T call them names.  You TEACH them!  Why do we call it POTTY TRAINING??  Because they have to be trained to go to the bathroom.  They can’t figure it out on their own!  So then, why do some new parents stop there?  What makes you think they can figure out life at such an early age?  They have to be TRAINED!!  Don’t play in traffic…Don’t hit other children…Don’t take those toys, they don’t belong to you…Don’t touch that, it will break…Don’t be rude and talk back to your parents and other adults!  And I’m sick and tired of hearing “He’s expressing himself!” or “She’s exploring her boundaries!”  WHAT BOUNDARIES?!?!  YOU HAVE NOT ESTABLISHED ANY!!

 I grew up with these rules and passed them on to my daughter.  She turned out great!  In the last few years people we know would visit us and bring their kids with them.  In the summertime they would run around my yard and I’d ask them not to.  They’d ask me why not, and I’d answer because there are other people here and you might run into them but more importantly, you could trip on the lawn furniture and be seriously hurt or fall in the pool.  All I had to do was explain the consequences and they’d say “sure Bob, no problem” and still have fun without the running.  They understood that ALL ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!

There was a time, however, when I didn’t have to do this, because their parents would stop them.  But not anymore!!  I truly believe that this lack of discipline, intelligent guidance, respect for others, and lessons in self-control creates the bullies of tomorrow….AND I HATE BULLIES!!!

1)     “VEAL OR NO VEAL!”…Richard Simmons!

2)     ”THE X-RATED FILES!” David Duchovny’!

3)      “ALL IN THE FAMILY WAY!””…Jaime Lynne Spears/ C  Palin!  

4)     “JUDGE JUDY TENUTA!”  What? It could happen!!

5)      “ARE YOU DUMBER THEN A FIRST GRADER?”

       Take your pick of politicians!!”  

6)      “NYPD BLUE MAN GROUP!”  Crimes solved by slimey, blue jugglers who drum!”  

7)      “ VAN PEEBPLES COURT!”  Starring the Father & Son team of Melvin & mario!!!!!  

8)      “SKIN!”  A spin-off from BONES!  

9)      “LAW & ORDER A SANDWICH!”  Rachael Ray!  

10)   "CSI GUAM!”  David Hasselhoff & Erik Estrada!

    Many years ago There was an unwritten law somewhere that supposedly defined the male and female roles, ie:  Men are to build the lodging, hunt for food, do all of the heavy manual labor (please note the word MAN in manual), transport the family from one place to another, etc.    Women are to have the children and rear them, do the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.  Did I mention that these are archaic, unwritten laws?  

   Let me see if I have this straight...I was to build the house?  I had everything to do to build a relationship.  Get real, me hunt for food??  Sure drop me off at the local Seven-Eleven and I'll eventually find out where they keep the TWINKIES!  I had no problem with the manual labor thing, or driving people around. I can do that. That's easy!   As a musician, I spent years on the road driving the band around. As far as all that female stuff, I can do all of that, too, with the exception of having the baby!  I was merely the baker who put the bun in the oven, she did all the rest.  Well, I did attend the Lamaze classes, which I am firmly convinced was a plot dreamed up by prenatal females to have you in the labor room during birth so that they can legally call you every foul, disgusting, name in the book, and curse at you and all men dating back to Adam and not be sued for defamation of character or libel in a court of law!

            Something tells me that this unwritten law hasn't applied for years.  In fact, something else hasn't applied for years, either; Dad being the main breadwinner and Mom staying at home to take care of things.  There was a time when if you needed some extra money for a new washing machine, Dad would get a second job, or Mom might find some part time work.  But today, in most areas, both Mom and Dad have to work full time just to make ends meet.  That was a no brainer for us, I was already running my business out of the house and she worked in the city as a corporate accountant! So fellas, with the exception of the baby thing, the old laws should be shredded and thrown into the compost heap!  We should ALL share ALL other responsibilities.  There's nothing wrong with men doing laundry, cooking, washing floors...heck if they make you do it in the Marines, who are we to complain, are we a country of male wusies?  (I had to say all this stuff guys.  The wife reads all of my blogs! You know, an ounce of prevention, I don't need the mental anguish.  At the very least it would make me anal retentive!) 

   The truth is that I did all that stuff when I was a bachelor.  After I realized that it was cheaper to clean my apartment every week myself, then to hire a BOB-CAT every other month.  The cooking thing was a great way to meet chicks and get them over to my place.  In the beginning, their faces would distort and turn unnatural colors.  Then there was that time I had to perform the heimlich maneuver to dislodge some really hard jello from a purple lady.  It took a couple of years, but I got the hang of it and my cooking improved, and they began returning for second dates without any after effects!  

   The laundry room was another great place to fraternize with the opposite sex, plus I could con them into washing my stuff!  That was until I met this gorgeous blonde, who before long convinced me that no one in the world did laundry better than I did and now I was doing hers, too!  I still am, because we got married!

      When our daughter was born, I decided that I was going to share taking care of the baby with the Queen of the household, despite all the things she called me in the labor room.  My wife gave me a hug, and said, "Good! You can start by changing the baby!!"  Me and my BIG MOUTH!

In Brett Farve’s NY Jet debut, he threw a Touch Down pass in a pre-season game.  YEAH!!

Welcome to New York Brett! I think it was Leonard Bernstein who once said “When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way, from you’re first cigarette, to your last dying day!!”

 And after all the fuss about him being 38years old…BFD!  So are my GYM SHOES!

So it looks like they’re finally going to be using “INSTANT REPLAY” in baseball!

Let me tell you from experience that it works.  My wife’s been using it for years on me. “You’re wrong honey, I never told you that I’d fix the door” Her reply?  “Oh yeah, WATCH THIS!”.

We should all be proud of our OLYMPIANS.  And what about swimmer Michael Phelps?  Do you believe him?  He won eight gold medals breaking ALL the records!!

 He was so excited they had to talk him down.  He wanted to swim home!

Getting old does not mean saying so long to sex, researchers said yesterday. More than three-quarters of American men 75-85 and half of women that age are still interested in sex, a University of Chicago survey found.The study of 3,000 men and women ages 57-85,  were published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Now if they can just remember how and why…..MALL WALKING might take on a whole new meaning!  

Prince Chunk, that FAT cat...has a new castle. And the 44 lb.-cat's new owners will be happy to know that he's got a clean bill of health. He's just. Very fat.   I’m glad that he found a happy home!

But until he loses some weight they’ll be renting a sand-filled dumpster! I wonder if Richard Simmons makes house calls?!?!

 BEIJING —
A 7-year-old Chinese girl was not good-looking enough for the Olympics opening ceremony, so another little girl with a pixie smile lip-synced "Ode to the Motherland," a ceremony official said — the latest example of the lengths Beijing took for a perfect start to the Summer Games.

Way to go China!  I thought the little girl who actually sang was very, very cute! I guess some things will never change!  BTW, Have ya taken a good look at some of your leaders? They’re probably ALL lip-sincing!

Former presidential candidate John Edwards, who won nationwide praise and sympathy as he campaigned side by side with his cancer-stricken wife, Elizabeth, admitted in shame Friday he had had an affair with a woman who produced videos as he prepared to launch his campaign.

Why don’t we cut everything out and just put HUGH HEFFNER  into office?  No surprises there. At least then we’ll know what to expect from our Chief Executive! I have a difficult time dealing with the way all these Politicians seem to order up women the way we call for a pizza delivery!

1-    If you’re trying to get alternate side of the street parking into the Olympics as a sporting event! 

2-    If your High School publishes a list of survivors!  

3-    If you don’t automatically think of somebody wearing a facemask as a Super hero!

4-    If you bowl overhand! 

5-    If you “BOB” for sushi in a Koi pond!  

6-    If your neighbor’s family photos are front and side shots! 

7-    If you’ve ever become intimate with someone on CONGA LINE! 

8-    If you use explosives and automatic weapons to go fishing! 

9-    If you can jump into a cab while it’s still moving! 

10-     If you use a blow torch for snow removal!

              FYI....With ALL this said....

     I'M PROUD TO BE A NEW YORKER!!           

         I LOVE

     NEW YORK!

     BIG Bad Bob!

            When I was growing up, I was taught to be a member of the "CLEAN PLATE CLUB!"  You should eat everything on your plate and don't waste food.

            Then I was told that if I didn't finish everything on my plate, somebody on the other side of the world, who I didn't even know, would starve.  Hey, I wasn't the one troweling the stuff on my plate!  I was always hidden behind such huge mounds of food, how did they know I was even at the table?  "You don't leave this table, Mister, until you finish everything on your plate!"  The way WE ate, I was amazed that anyone left the table without the assistance of a tow truck, or at the very least a forklift!  The least used utensil in that household?  The GARBAGE DISPOSAL!

            Eventually I grew up and got out of the house, while I could still fit through the door.  I still wake up sweating in the middle of the night with "FOOD FLASH-BACKS!"  Being forced to eat liver and kale and beets and tongue.  YUK-YUK-YUK and YUK!  I someday expect to see The Paiva Family's "SECRET RECIPES", the lost episodes, on The "DISCOVERY CHANNEL!"        Something good did come out of all this, I never had to worry about having nothing to do.  I spent ALL of my idle time reading up on and trying out the latest weight-loss and exercise plans.  So far all I've lost is my money, my mind and the will to live!

      I did learn however, that you can eat most foods, as long as it's done in moderation.  There is some food that is healthier than most, only you're not supposed to eat it all in one sitting!  Exercise is not only good for the ticker, but it is necessary for a healthy metabolism.  It burns off calories.  I still have members of my family who have to supplement this last part with the help of a blow torch!  Which in my family's case is hazardous and could cause grease fires!

            I have this one recurring nightmare that I'm being forced to go back in time and relive the past, only this time my family owns and operates a farm!  And to my horror It's only purpose is to feed us. 

    The dinner bell is replaced with a STARTER PISTOL!  We make weekly visits to the dentist to have our teeth sharpened.  Our family goes to our favorite resort, PEPPERIDGE FARM, stopping at every Fast-Food Restaurant along the way, in the family owned catering truck, because the food in these places isn't fast enough.  On the way home, we stop off and adopt Betty Crocker and Sara Lee.  Why not?  We list them as dependents anyway.  We also bail out Uncle Carl and his son Chester.  They were picked up by the police for stalking the Emril Lugasi!  Pizza parlors and Ice cream trucks see my family coming and say, "Here comes the mortgage payment!", then call for back-up!