ShaneKSmith's Blog

Passat Recall

4/6/2008 2:10:32 AM

http://www.lemonauto.com/complaints/volkswagen/passat.
htm

I hate Volkswagens all but The VW Bus! We had a game when I was a kid called ZIT! Every time we saw a VW Beetle we would yell ZIT! Why ZIT? Because they all need to be popped and exploded like a pimple! This went on forever. They all sounded like they needed valve jobs and were about to explode. I actually blew a motor and caught one on fire going down Highway 29 in Salisbury around 1977. I hated seeing the return of these ZITS. I hate offending all the cute people and their plastic flowers and cute hats that must come with the car. These people can’t be real hippies!

Big Score!

In the interim between the death of The ZIT and the return of its' cartoon makeover, The Passat makes an appearance. All accountants must have a Passat to prove they are thrifty and know nothing about cars.

I am venting because I heard Brent Campbell end a story Saturday night saying that VW says when you smell gas in the cab they want you to DRIVE it to the nearest shop! Of course they do! They don’t want to die in a fiery explosion themselves! The report didn’t mention the faulty windshield wipers or the bad brakes. The cartoon just keeps running!

I just figured out how they named the Passat.  Passat sort of sounds like P_ ss on it.  The maker's would look at each other and say if this car was on fire we wouldn't P _ _ _ on it!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

No Joke!

Third Graders Plot to kill teacher busted!

I am still waiting for Neill McNeill to tell me “April Fools” however, the news has been off for a half hour now. Still, there is no Special Bulletin.

http://tinyurl.com/3bgsod

I just saw it again on cnn and it's all over the net.  Why do I imagine an A.D.D. Third Grade Girl standing on a chair with a rusty blade between her teeth, then pulling it out and waving it in the air screaming REVOLT!!!!!!!

Gene Piscitell & Special Officer Bill
with The State of NC
raise money at Wal-Mart and other locations for:

The Special Olympics Polar Plunge Law Enforcement Torch Run

1-336-838-5949

Become a Fund Raising Super Star:
http://firstgiving.com/sonc

Take The Polar Plunge For Special Olympics
Saturday March 1, 2008
W Kerr Scott Dam and Reservoir
Hwy 268 W Wilkesboro

Make Donations at Wal-Mart, Peters Creek Parkway, Winston-Salem, NC,
Pictured Here:

Vicki Meredith and Doug Staton
a Kenny Rogers look alike help raise money for special Olympics.

Also Pictured. Odette Sanchez a Special Relationships Officer from The BB and T and her kids. I honestly forgot the name of the Wal-Mart employee helping the officers on his break.

http://shanesflyingdiscshow.com/

2/22/2008 3:26 PM

Wal-mart can prevent Shocking Experience

I refer to the new Wal-Mart in Winston-Salem, NC on Peteer's Creek Parkway.

I am using reference links to other stories just for reference to point out a fact that Stories of Extreme Coincidence happen to me so often I can’t even recall them. This is a good forum to put a couple of recent events together.

Those of you that click on the Wal-mart nature boy link are reminded not to let your kids see a previous profile picture of a former Fox Blogger, Nature_Boy. I think Nature_Boy came back to the blogs as someone else.

My new friend Daniel Reeves from the make a wish foundation has leukemia and he wants me to point out that co-incidence has nothing to do with it that Divine Intervention is the term I should use.

I am walking with my wife near the photo department of Wal-Mart on a cold day wearing my fancy cowboy boots holding on to a metal cart. I feel a splitting sensation in the palm of my hands and I think , Oh Great, my hands are dry it’s cold and they are getting chapped and cracking. I’d rather be hit in the face than get a paper cut or feel my hands splitting from the cold. So I look at my hand and nothing is split, no blood. I grab the buggy. Then again, excuse me but I go DAMN and pull my hand back. Look at it again, nothing to show for the pain. My wife says what’s wrong. I said I am getting shocked! She says you are? GREAT! GREAT, I think, thanks for the sympathy. She says No No Shane I am glad you are getting shocked because I thought I was going crazy. She told me when she has come to Wal-Mart on other occasions the same thing has happened to her. I said , Thanks, I think.

So I go on a hunt for a manager. I find a kid named Robert. This was after three or better so he was a second shifter or working a long first. He had a manager’s badge and walked with me to the place where I was getting shocked.
Well of course I wasn’t getting shocked anymore, he and most of his employees wear tennis shoes so they don’t feel anything. He pacifies me and promises to fix it or report it.

So through the evening at home I am imagining what Fire Marshal Bill Would do from In Living Color. I have visions of Babies sitting in the buggy seat getting fried and crying. I see myself wanting the parents of wild lost screaming children to step on a wet floor and get electrocuted. Then I think well that’s evil that will come back to get me. Then I think what if somebody comes in here with a pace maker and it shocks the life out of the device and they die! What if I read about this sometime and never had done anything about it. So I call a first shift guy, a manager, so they told me but can’t remember his name. OK Sir, I will check into it.

I’ve been into Wal-mart a few times since no shocks and thinking nothing of it. Weeks go by. Two days ago around 7pm or after at checkout walking towards the pharmacy I pass a couple, a man and his mother who was riding a Wal-mart Electric car. I heard him talking about being shocked. The female clerk had a look of disbelief but I just said Hey you aren’t crazy, my wife and I have experienced the same thing. After I jumped in there for the guy the clerk promised to report this odd thing. I can’t remember her name but she will remember because she won’t touch a buggy anymore.

So what’s going to cost more? The fine from zoning. Digging up the entire floor to fix the short or the lawsuit from a customer that experiences a real shocking experience.

What if someone responsible gets fried instead of some irresponsible parent who lets their kids run wild through the store. What a dilemma! Who gets to take the story from here? I want to walk into Wal-mart and see Nature_Boy greeting me at the door with his custom Greeter’s Outfit and then see everyone’s hair standing up straight just like Bello Nockl

I only hope someone important does something before it isn’t funny anymore.

Space & Mace What do these two things have in common? Lisa Nowak! Houston, we have a problem, Female Astronaut can't get her fill! One giant step for man 10 steps backwards for the space program. Maybe we can spend some of Nasa's money for Deep Sea Study. How about a happy mix of funds! Chapter Two: Woman on a space Station with 5 lonely men, can they survive? Stay Tuned! Don't Space Out! I can't wait to hear the jokes on this one!

Sub Titles: Final Flight!

Star Whores!