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Byrd's Eye View

by Emily_Byrd from WGHP Weather

Last Post 62 days, 23 hours Ago


Oh, Mom's fine.

For those of you who live near her, she'll be out tomorrow morning (and the next and the next), walking her usual route and picking up trash.  She's called the Trash Lady by some who don't know her. 

No, today Mom took my brother and I ahead to a time that neither of us want to think about.  You see, she's at that point in life where she wants to make plans for her last days.  She went to several attorneys who specialize in estate planning, and settled on an attorney in the Guilford College area who she really connected to. 

Today, Mom arranged for Jon and I to meet with Cheryl and take a look at some of her arrangements for her Last Will and Testament, Powers of Attorney, and her Living Will.  I was prepared for some stuff, but that last one, the Living Will, had me unglued. 

You see, my mom and her sisters had to make a decision about my grandmother about 15 years ago.  They were told that Mommac was in the last stages of Parkinson's and that she was not going to recover.  They had to decide whether or not to feed her and hydrate her through tubes.  Unfortunately, Mommac's mind was still good... it was her body that failed her.  She couldn't speak anymore and her expressions were fleeting.  She was so tired...

It took two weeks for her to die.  It was awful.  We don't know if she suffered since they probably didn't administer pain medications or morphine back then, but I know that her daughters suffered every minute of every day knowing that they decided to essentially starve her to death. 

Mom wants to protect Jon and I from that decision, if it comes, but she didn't know whether she wanted to sign anything with specific instructions.  I didn't want to be at a big, shiny wood table with pages of legalese -- jargon that became almost comical to read.  Pages with initials, signatures, witnesses, notarizing... but they all represent my mother's last days.   My mom and her care.  Her death.  Those are the days that I will only want to be next to her, holding her hand.  Or feeding her.  Making her comfortable.  Watching "Monk", "Columbo"  and "Harvey" on DVD over and over again.  Reading the latest children's book to her (she was a children's librarian for over 20 years).  I don't want my mother's sacred last days reduced to pages of paper.

I must say at this point that Cheryl and her assistant, Kent, were smart, professional, and extremely patient through the entire process.  They stayed to answer every question for as long as it took, and showed great sensitivity to the grave subject at hand.  And they assured us that we're doing paperwork now so that we don't have to do it (and more) at a later time when we'd rather be sitting with Mom, watching DVD's and making her comfortable. 

Mom's a trooper.  She's even trying figure out what to do with her ashes.  I think that's a great idea since Mommac is still in a shoebox on a shelf.  Really.

But now that we've signed everything, Mom can relax.  She'll be out tomorrow morning marching around the neighborhood just like she does every morning.  She was recently "clipped" by a minivan which left her laying in the road and limping for a week.  I like to say Mom got hit by a truck.  And she keeps on going.  I figure she still has six or seven lives left, so hopefully I won't have to pull out those "Columbo" DVD's anytime soon.
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flatch read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 5:31 PM

Smart woman she is, and she seems quite strong too. My Mom would be smart and strong, if she weren't married to my Dad.

I'll stop there, as you can't give me meds for stuff like this like that other lady I see once a week.

homeschoolmom read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 5:54 PM

It is a hard thing to talk about, but your Mom just gave you a very special gift that you will appreciate when that time comes. I wish you many more great years with your Mom. She sounds like a great lady!

wxGod
Apr 8, 2008 | 6:42 PM

Em.....

Tell your mom she did good. You will appreciate that some day down the line. Send her my love and tell her I miss her.

WxGod

mrmajestic read my blog view my photos
Apr 8, 2008 | 8:36 PM

My mom is in her eighties and plays tennis at least once a week in the summer, still. She put herself into an assisted living center about four years ago. She had beautiful gardens with lots of summer colors, but the acreage became too much for her in her late 70's. She said she wanted to take the insecurity of worrying about her health out of her own hands. She thinks of the place like a country club and is on the go all the time. I was told something by a very wise man, about thirty years ago. "Whatever your parents may mean to you, as they age, you'd better spend as much quality time with them, and say all the things you want to say. Once they are gone they are gone for good and anything left unsaid, will hang in the air for eternity.

gadget410 read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 1:07 AM

Emily, as the others here have posted she is doing the smartest and most unselfish thing she can. She is letting you know that you don't have to do like we did with my grandfather when he was in his last days......I still wonder if the decisions we made were the way he would have wanted it and there is still some resentment from some family members because they didn't get to help make the decisions. What your mother is doing is removing any doubt and it will give you peace in the end.

cook2712 read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 8:15 AM

EB, your mom sounds like a VERY SPECIAL PERSON. Take good care of her as I know you will.

caddyboy read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 8:19 AM

Miss Em,
I want to commend you for loving your mother enough to say that you will be there to care for her in here fleeting years. Too many people just abandon their parents after they age. In our culture so many times as is the case the helpless go unnoticed. Thank you for an informative blog.

caddyboy read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 8:20 AM

correction:
care for her in her fleeting years.

Buttwiggles read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 9:03 AM

Emily....Yes! What a wonderfu gift your Mom is giving you! As hard as it is to face, it is something we all, sooner or later, have to deal with in one way or another. As I get older, I have seen too many families torn apart with worry over the final preparations when a loved one gets ill or passes on because it was just never mentioned or dealt with beforehand. My Dad has already made all the arrangements for when the Good Lord takes them home. I always thought before that it was morbid to plan things like this, but in all reality, it is a very smart and loving thing to do for your loved ones.
Your Mom sounds like a Wonderful Lady still full of Life that loves you all so very much! Thank you for sharing this with us!

ARGNC read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 12:49 PM

Emily,

Your mother sounds to be truly a fabulous example of a spry kind spirited woman, to boot a very smart woman!

We all will have to face what you have wrote about and I thank you the remonder is such a dleicate and warm way!

You are both blessed to have one another!

MamaByrd
Apr 9, 2008 | 2:17 PM

Well, this is all VERY grand and I do appreciate all these kind words. Obviously, you don't know what an obstimate ol' gal I can be. (As a matter of fact, one of my children labelled me "Ol' Stonehead" sometime back. I won't say which child. . .)

But I do encourage each and all, no matter how young you are, to get information from the fabulous bank of professionals we have around here! And get those wishes down on paper!

I do hope this will prove to be a great reassurance to my kids when The Time comes. After all, reassuring those wonderful folks is THE BEST job a Mom can ever have!

Thanks again for all these lovely words!

Mama Byrd

ShaneKSmith read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 2:59 PM

Doing the right thing often takes the most strength and courage. It's easy to see why The Baby Byrd turned out so well!

JQPublix read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 4:09 PM

Since you are single, ain't nothing wrong with living with your mom. It probably makes economical sense to her also :)

Emily_Byrd read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 4:33 PM

Oh, JQ... she's still far too pushy for us to live together. :) I'll have to wait for her to slow down a little and maybe lose her hearing or something.

JQPublix read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 4:38 PM

Emily with the funnae :)

I'll just say from my experience it has been very rewarding for both me and my father.

Van_Denton read my blog view my photos
Apr 9, 2008 | 11:51 PM

JQ.....Emily keeps some strange hours too. She goes to sleep at 5pm and gets up at 1am to go to work. Folks don't realize how hard Em works. Some long hours in her day. Mama Byrd might keep her awake. :-)

Buttwiggles read my blog view my photos
Apr 10, 2008 | 3:00 PM

Emily! You are a hoot!

ShaneKSmith read my blog view my photos
Apr 10, 2008 | 8:02 PM

Van Denton, Of course we notice how hard Emily works. She deserves a raise!
http://tinyurl.com/25zowm

Bettie read my blog
Apr 11, 2008 | 1:58 PM

Emily, my first husband and I did the same thing, a few years later he passed form a heart attack. You would npt believe how much of a burden that lifted off of me and my boys. I think everyone should do this, no matter how young or old they are, your family will be very thankful that you did. Mamabyrd, you are a strong woman and you have a great daughter. God has blessed you all greatly.

ladyred2007 read my blog view my photos
Apr 11, 2008 | 5:11 PM

I will have to show this blog to my own mother. She refuses to make a will or discuss any part of death with us kids. It worries me so much and makes me feel horrible that I will not only lose her one day, but will be faced with the horrible task of trying to decide what Mom would want each of us kids to have, and what she would like to happen with her body when she is gone.
She is 1500 miles from me, so being away from her as she gets older is hard enough. I am not sure how I can go all that way if something was to happen to her, then have no time to grieve before the legalities must be handled. Planning and executing her wishes should be much more of a priority to her than they are. Tonight we will have a prayer meeting over the phone.
Emily and Mama...congratulations. You have created a mend for hearts that will be broken one day, by allowing time to celebrate the wonderful life of Mama, instead of spending all your time worrying about what to do next. As other bloggers have said...what a very special gift to give your children. Emily, isn't it amazing how our mothers seems to endlessly give to their children...all the way to the end? I hope I can be as thoughtful a mother as yours is.

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Emily_Byrd

I love the weather. I love animals. I think that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" "Bones" and "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" ROCK. As music goes: Yo-Yo Ma, Daughtry, Allyson Krauss (and Union Station), Black Eyed Peas, most any John Williams soundtrack (especially Memoirs of a Geisha and Harry Potter), Wagner, Handel, Stevie Nicks, Bonnie Raitt, and I could go on and on.

Member Since: 6/30/2006